


Memes for Fazbear Frights

by Memegirl12



Series: Fazbear fright but my way :) [1]
Category: Five Nights at Freddy's
Genre: Some Ship of mine and other people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:41:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29806497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memegirl12/pseuds/Memegirl12
Summary: Memes for fun
Relationships: Alec/Oscar (Five Nights at Freddy's), Devon/Pete (Five Nights at Freddy's), Millie/Sarah (Five Nights at Freddy's)
Series: Fazbear fright but my way :) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2038309
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Memes 1

For @modgirly

For @modgirly


	2. Chapter 2

**Millie: Hewwo.**

**Alec: Hihiiiiii!**

**Sarah: Greetings, Humans.**

**Oswald: Three kinds of people.**

**Greg: I want pudding.**

**Millie: Four kinds of people.**

**Oscar: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?**

**Oswald: Five kinds of people**

***Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’***

**Millie: Thanks fam!**

**Alec: oh no**

**Sarah: *cries* I love you too**

**Greg: Sounds fake but okay**

**Oswald: *A flustered mess***

**Oscar: can i get a refund**

**William: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?**

**Sarah: Nope, absolutely not.**

**Alec: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.**

**Greg: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.**

**Oswald: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.**

**Oscar: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.**

***Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker***

**Millie: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.**

**Everyone:**

**Sarah: ...I did. I broke it.**

**Millie: No. No you didn't. Alec?**

**Alec: Don't look at me. Look at Greg.**

**Greg: What?! I didn't break it.**

**Alec: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?**

**Greg: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.**

**Alec: Suspicious.**

**Greg: No, it's not!**

**Oscar: If it matters, probably not, but Oswald was the last one to use it.**

**Oswald: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!**

**Oscar: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?**

**Oswald: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Oscar!**

**Sarah: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Millie.**

**Millie: No! Who broke it!?**

**Everyone:**

**Oscar: Millie... Alec's been awfully quiet.**

**Alec: rEALLY?!**

***Everyone starts arguing***

**Millie, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.**

**Millie: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.**

**Millie:**

**Millie: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.**

**Millie: Rules are made to be broken.**

**Sarah: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.**

**Alec: Uh, piñatas.**

**Greg: Glow sticks.**

**Oswald: Karate boards.**

**Oscar: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.**

**Millie: Rules.**

**Sarah:**

**'Can I copy the homework?'**

**Millie: I can help you with it!**

**Sarah: Yeah, sure.**

**Alec: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.**

**Devon: lol nope.**

**Oswald: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!**

**Oscar: *Read 5:55pm***

**Millie: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?**

**Sarah: >:O language**

**Alec: Yeah watch your fucking language**

**Devon: OKAY WHO TAUGHT ALEC THE FUCK WORD?**

**Oswald: 'The fuck word'.**

**Oscar: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time**

**Alec: Oh my god they censored it**

**Oswald: Say fuck, Oscar.**

**Alec: Do it, Oscar. Say fuck.**

***The squad right before Millie's and Sarah’s wedding***

**Oscar: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.**

**Alec: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!**

**Devon: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well**

**Oswald: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND**

**Pete, panicked: _I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE_**

**Millie: Dumbest scar stories, go!**

**Sarah: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.**

**Alec: I dropped a hairdryer on my leg once and burned it.**

**Devon: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.**

**Oswald: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.**

**Pete:**

**Pete: I have emotional scars.**

**Millie: Sarah... How do I begin to explain Sarah?**

**Alec: Sarah is flawless.**

**Devon: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000.**

**Oswald: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.**

**Pete: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.**

**Oswald: *Screams***

**Sarah: *Screams louder to assert dominance***

**Alec: Should we do something?!**

**Gabby, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.**

**Oswald: Is stabbing someone immoral?**

**Sarah: Not if they consent to it.**

**Alec: Depends who you’re stabbing.**

**Gabby: YES?!?**

**Oswald: I think we're missing something.**

**Sarah: Teamwork?**

**Alec: Cohesion?**

**Gabby: A general sense of what we’re doing?**

**Oswald: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?**

**Sarah: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Alec?**

**Alec: Probably “road work ahead”.**

**Gabby: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.**

**Gabby: Dammit, Sarah!**

**Gabby: What?! It wasn’t me!**

**Oswald: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Alec!**

**Alec: Not me either.**

**Gabby: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?**

**Oswald: *whistles***

**Oswald: Sarah isn’t answering their phone**

**Alec: I’ll call**

**Oswald: Gabby and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-**

**Sarah: Hello?**

**Oswald, Sarah, and Alec are sitting on a bench**

**Gabby: Why do you guys look so sad?**

**Oswald: Sit down with us so we can tell you.**

***Gabby sits down***

**Sarah: The bench is freshly painted.**

**Oswald: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!**

**Sarah: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD**

**Oswald: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ALEC WITH ME**

**Gabby, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.**

**Gabby: Why are Alec and Sarah sitting with their backs to each other?**

**Oswald: They had a fight.**

**Gabby: Then why are they holding hands?**

**Oswald: They get sad when they fight.**

***Gabby's helping Sarah out after they get injured, while the others are watching***

**Alec: How does Sarah look?**

**Oswald: A little better than you, actually.**

**Gabby: How did none of you hear what I just said?**

**Sarah: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.**

**Alec: I got distracted about halfway through.**

**Oswald: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.**

**Gabby: Sarah, I'm sad.**

**Sarah: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.**

**Alec: Oswald, I'm sad.**

**Oswald, nodding: mood.**

**Gabby: Listen, I can explain...**

**Sarah: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?**

**Alec: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!**

**Oswald: You guys are getting paid?**

**Gabby: *Gently taps table***

**Sarah: *Taps back***

**Alec: What are they doing?**

**Oswald: Morse code.**

**Gabby: *Aggressively taps table***

**Sarah: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-**

**Gabby: You know those things will kill you, right?**

**Sarah, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.**

**Alec, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.**

**Oswald: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough***

**Toby, setting down a card: Ace of spades**

**Sarah, pulling out an Uno card: +4**

**Alec, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you**

**Oscar, trembling: What are we playing**

***The squad is over at Greg's house***

**Devon: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?**

**Greg: ... N-No...**

**Greg, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???**

**Devon, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!**

**Pete : I see a-**

**Greg, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.**

**Devon: Oh, well I-**

**Greg: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave***

**Greg, amazed: Its got a bake setting!**

**Toby: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!**

**Oscar: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?**

**Greg: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!**

**Greg: I am someone who owns four ovens...**

**Greg, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...**

**Greg: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...**

**Millie, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!**

**Greg:**

**Devon: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!**

**Greg:**

**Greg, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS _FIVE OVENS_**

**Greg: Croissants: dropped**

**Devon: Road: works ahead**

**Pete : BBQ sauce: on my titties**

**Toby: Shavacado: fre**

**Oscar: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead**

**Millie:**

**Millie, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.**

**Greg: Time for plan G.**

**Devon: Don’t you mean plan B?**

**Greg: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.**

**Pete : What about plan D?**

**Greg: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.**

**Toby: What about plan E?**

**Greg: I’m hoping not to use it. Oscar dies in plan E.**

**Millie: I like plan E.**

**Greg: A theif.**

**Toby: Thief?**

**Greg: Theif.**

**Toby: I before E, except after C.**

**Greg: Thceif.**

**Greg: No.**

**Greg: Go to Hell**

**Toby, tearing up: I wish I could**

**Greg: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.**

**Toby: Three words.**

**Greg:**

**Greg: It’s such a beautiful evening.**

**Toby, whispering: Take that you fucking lake**

**Greg: How do I deal with my enemies?**

**Toby: Kill them**

**Greg: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution**

**Toby: Kill them only a little?**

**Greg: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.**

**Sarah: That's why I carry two swords.**

**Greg: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.**

**Toby: You and me!!!**

**Greg, tearing up: Okay.**

**Greg, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.**

**Toby: But – that’s just a trash can.**

**Greg: It sure is!**

**Greg: I turned out perfectly fine!**

**Toby: Greg, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast**

**Greg: _I_ DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! _YOU_ DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!**

**Toby: So are we flirting right now?**

**Greg: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU**

**Toby: That doesn’t answer my question**

**Toby: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. greg's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out…**

**Toby: Greg, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!**

**Greg: Well of course I have.**

**Greg: Have you ever tried going mad without power?**

**Greg: It's boring.**


	3. Chapter 3

Devon: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Pete: Okay.

Devon: And make out during the scary parts.

Pete: Th-

Pete: The scary parts.

Pete: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Devon: I am not out of control! I'm a law-abiding citizen!

Pete: Really? Name one law

Devon: Don't kill people?

Pete: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

Devon: Change is inedible.

Pete: Don't you mean inevitable?

Devon, spitting out coins: No, I did not.

Devon: I made tea.

Pete: I don’t want tea.

Devon: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Pete: Then why are you telling me?

Devon: It is a conversation starter.

Pete: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Devon: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

Devon: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

Pete: *Out of breath* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

Devon: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-

Pete: Twelve, actually.

Devon: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?

Pete: Yours!

Devon: That's right: no one's.

Devon: Violence isn't the answer.

Pete: You’re right.

Devon: *sighs in relief*

Pete: Violence is the question.

Devon: What?

Pete, bolting away: And the answer is yes.

Devon, running after them: NO-

Gabby: Where are you going?

Oswald: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there

Gabby, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me

Oswald, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

Gabby: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Oswald: Killed without hesitation.

Gabby: No.

Gabby: Okay, truth or dare?

Oswald: Truth

Gabby: How many hours have you slept this week?

Oswald:

Oswald: ...Dare

Gabby: Go to bed.

Oswald: I don’t like this game

Gabby, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!

Oswald: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

Gabby: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Oswald, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

Gabby: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Oswald: It’s not a joke.

Oswald: *sniffles*

Oswald: I’m a legit snack.

Stanley: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.

Delilah: Only if you also don't ask why

Delilah: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.

Stanley:

Delilah:

Stanley: This one is fine

Stanley: Delilah... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Delilah: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.

Stanley:

Stanley: I wrote sanitize, Delilah.

Stanley: I actually have a black belt.

Delilah: In what, karate?

Stanley: No, from Gucci.

Stanley: Is something burning?

Delilah: Just my love for you.

Stanley: Delilah, the toaster is on fire.

Stanley: Delilah! My face is on fire!

Delilah: Stanley! Are you ok?!

Stanley: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.

Delilah: But your face  _ is _ on fire.

Stanley: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

Stanley: Someone will die.

Delilah: Of fun!

Stanley: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?

Delilah: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.

Matt: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Delilah: Good thinking.

Stanley: Delilah, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Delilah: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Stanley: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Matt.

Store Worker: Would an Mx. Stanley please come to the front desk?

Stanley, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to Delilah and Matt

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Delilah and Matt, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Stanley: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

Stanley: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Delilah?

Delilah: … No.

Matt: I do!

Stanley: I know, Matt.

Matt: I’m sad!

Stanley: I know, Matt.

*The group is getting into the car*

Alec: I’m driving.

Oswald, out of view: Shotgun!

Sarah, turning to face Oswald: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except Oswald: WOAH-

Oswald, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

  
  


*The squad is having dinner together*

Alec: Sarah, can you pass the salt?

Sarah: *Throws Oswald across the table*

Alec: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Sarah: You’re a hazard to society

Oswald: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

Alec: We need a distraction.

Sarah: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Oswald, whispering: My time has come

*Alec and Sarah sitting in jail together*

Sarah: So who should we call?

Alec: I’d call Oswald, but I feel safer in jail

Alec: Oswald and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Sarah: *Sighing* What did Oswald do?

Alec: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

oswald: Who wants a steering wheel?

Alec: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Oswald: Wasn't Sarah with you?

Sarah: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Alec: If you had to choose between Sarah and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Oswald: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Sarah: Oswald! 

Alec: 63 cents.

Oswald: I'll take the money.

Sarah:Oswald **_!!!_ **

Sarah, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Devon: Hey.

Oswald: Hi.

Alec: Hello.

Oscar: Hey!

Sarah: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Millie: We were out of Doritos.

Sarah: Wake me up…

Devon: Before you go go!

Oswald: When September ends…

Alec: WAKE ME UP INSIDE-

Oswald: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT.

Oswald: I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship! ... And this knife I found.

Oswald, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!

Nole: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!

Deliah: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.

Stanley: More or less, I guess...

Matt: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!

Bob: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.

Kasey: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

Nole: I CAN'T DO IT!

Deliah, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Nole: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Stanley: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Nole:

Nole: I appreciate it,

Nole: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Matt: Nole-

Nole: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Bob: Nole we gotta-

Nole: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Nole: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

Nole, motioning to Miscreation:  **_NOT FUCKING THIS_ **

Nole: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

Deliah: Okay, but what is updog?

Stanley: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Matt: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

Bob: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

Kasey: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Nole: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Matt: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

Stanley: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

Deliah: What’s a henway??

Nole: Oh, about five pounds.

Nole: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Deliah: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Nole: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Stanley: Actually I did the math, Deliah would have $225, not $0.15.

Deliah: Fam I’m right here....

Matt: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Nole: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Matt: Sorry I only have a dollar

Nole: :(

Stanley: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Deliah would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Matt: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Stanley: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Bob: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice

Stanley: Apply juice to what

Kasey: Directly to the forehead

Deliah: Great chat everyone

Oscar: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday

Alec: Wednesay

Oscar: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible

Oscar: This is a mistake

Alec, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Oscar: But not today

Alec, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess

Oscar: Can you keep a secret?

Alec: Do you know anything about my life?

Oscar: No I do not. Good point.

Oscar: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.

Alec: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

Oscar: Welcome, fellow idiots

Alec: Hello, Oscar

Oscar: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot

Alec: You underestimate me

Oscar: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?

Alec: *chugs entire bottle*

Alec: It’s perfume.

Oscar: Top 30 reasons why Oscar is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!

Oswald: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

Oscar: Hey Oswald can I get a sip of your water?

Oswald: It's not water.

Oscar: Vodka, I like your style!

Oswald: It's vinegar.

Oscar: Wh-Wha-

Oswald: It's vinegar, COWARD.

Oscar: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.

Alec: If anyone, and I mean  _ anyone _ , wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life

Alec: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside

Oscar:

Oscar: Alec, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...

Alec: *Sips coffee from bowl

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Chirs, going over Reed's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.**

**Reed: Yes**

**Chirs: Okay... may I know what you create?**

**Chirs: Problems.**

**Chirs: God, give me patience.**

**Reed: I think you mean 'give me strength'.**

**Chirs: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.**

**Chirs: Go to Hell**

**Reed, tearing up: I wish I could**

**Chirs: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.**

**Reed: You need to stop.**

**Chirs: I can explain.**

**Reed: Can you?**

**Chirs: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.**

**Chirs: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!**

**Reed: How can you still say that?**

**Chirs: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.**

**Chirs: I'm a reverse necromancer.**

**Reed: Isn't that just killing people?**

**Chirs: Ah, technicality.**

**Chirs, whispering to Sarah, who’s on the phone with Alec: Ask them something!**

**Sarah: How are you feeling?**

**Alec: Fine.**

**Chirs: Something personal!**

**Sarah: At what age did you first get your period?**

**Chirs: You have to apologize to Sarah**

**Alec: Fine.**

**Alec: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.**

**Chirs: I know you snuck out last night, Sarah.**

**Alec: Play dumb!**

**Sarah: Who's Sarah?**

**Alec: NOT THAT DUMB!!!**

**Chirs: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste**

**Sarah: We got spring water**

**Chirs: NO.**

**Alec: with EXTRA minerals**

**Sarah: it's like licking a stalagmite**

**Chirs: DON'T COME HOME.**

**Alec: Mmmmm cave water**

**Chirs, banging on the door: Sarah! Open up!**

**Sarah: Well, it all started when I was a kid...**

**Alec: No, they meant-**

**Reed: Let them finish.**

**Chirs: Care for another sundae, weenie?**

**Sarah: I am not a weenie!**

**Alec: Relax, you’re among friends. *raises their drink***

**Sarah: My friends don’t hang out at Weenie Hut Jr’s.**

**Reed: You tell ‘em, Sarah! *sips their drink***

**Sarah: Reed, what’re you doing here?**

**Reed: I’m always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays.**

**Chirs: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.**

**Sarah: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.**

**Alec: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?**

**Reed: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.**

**Chirs: Favorite horror movie?**

**Sarah: It**

**Alec: Saw**

**Reed: Annabelle**

**Devon: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics**

**Chirs: You're a loose cannon, Sarah.**

**Sarah: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?**

**Alec: I think you play by your own rules.**

**Reed: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.**

**Chirs: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.**

**Sarah: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Devon is a loose cannon.**

**Devon: *smashes a chair***

**Chirs: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.**

**Sarah: This knife is actually a magic wand.**

**Alec: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.**

**Reed: *cocks gun* Magic missile.**

**Devon: What the fuck is wrong with you people.**

**Chirs, trying to convince Devon to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong!**

**Sarah: And loud!**

**Alec: And grumpy!**

**Reed: And oblivious to reality!**

**Devon:**

**Chirs: What does 'take out' mean?**

**Sarah: Food.**

**Alec: Dating**

**Reed: Murder**

**Devon: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD**

**Chirs: Bye Sarah! Bye Alec! Bye Reed! Bye Devon! Bye Sarah!**

**Alec: You said ‘bye Sarah’ twice.**

**Chirs: I like Sarah.**

**Chirs: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?**

**Sarah: Have everyone stand.**

**Alec: Bring three more chairs!**

**Reed: The most important ones can sit down.**

**Devon: Kill three.**

**Chirs: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?**

**Sarah: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.**

**Chirs: Three of us saw it, Sarah. How do you explain that?**

**Sarah: *points at Alec* Sleep deprivation. *points at Reed* Paranoia. *points at Devon* Delusional personality disorder**

**Chirs: So uhhh... my question is: my friend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine... uncooked...**

**Reed: I would hope they're not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine!**

**Devon: In your pantry!**

**Chirs: Yeah... and eating them raw, and they keep calling them 'chips'. ... How do I make them stop?**

**Reed: Is your friend here?**

**Chirs, motioning to Sarah: Yeah.**

**Reed, to Sarah: You're a monster! Words MEAN things! >:(**

**Alec: Does anybody remember- I haven't been to Olive Garden in many moons- but they DO have a like- fettuccine bottle that you can just- grab em out of and chew-**

**Alec: HOLD ON. WAS THIS A PRANK YOU GUYS PULLED ON ME WHEN WE WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN AS KIDS?!**

**Alec: NO, STOP. EVERYBODY SHUT UP. DO THEY GIVE YOU RAW FETTUCCINE TO CHEW ON IN THE LOBBY OF THE OLIVE GARDEN**

**Everyone else: No.**

**Alec, to Reed and Devon: YOU FUCKIN _BASTARDS_**

**Reed: YAAAAAAAAY!**

**Devon: THE _PRESTIGE_!**

**Chirs: Are we really going to let Sarah keep Alec?**

**Reed: We kept Devon.**

**Chirs: What’s something you guys are better than Sarah at?**

**Alec: Mario Kart.**

**Reed: Yeah, video games.**

**Devon: Emotional vulnerability.**

**Chirs: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?**

**Sarah: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies**

**Devon: Socks are Feetie Heaties**

**Reed: Forks are Stabby Grabbies**

**Sarah: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties**

**Devon: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies**

**Reed: Stamps are Lickie Stickies**

**Alec, annoyed: You are disappointments**

**Chirs: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life**

**Sarah: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!**

**Alec: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!**

**Reed: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!**

**Devon: My moral code, is that you?**

**Chirs:**

**Chirs: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?**

**Chirs: Nothing in life is free.**

**Sarah: Love is free!**

**Alec: Adventure is free.**

**Reed: Knowledge is free.**

**Devon: Everything is free if you take it without paying.**

**Chirs: I’m an idiot.**

**Sarah:**

**Alec:**

**Reed:**

**Devon:**

**Chirs:**

**Sarah: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.**

**Chirs: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.**

**Sarah: I witnessed the dumb stuff.**

**Alec: I recorded the dumb stuff.**

**Reed: I joined in on the dumb stuff.**

**Devon: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!**

**Chirs: Where's Sarah, Alec, and Reed?**

**Devon: They're playing hide and seek.**

**Chirs: Where?**

**Devon: I don't think you get how this game works.**

**Chirs: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?**

**Sarah: Rude.**

**Alec: That’s fair.**

**Reed: Not again.**

**Devon: Are you going to want this back?**

**Chirs: Anyone d-**

**Sarah: Depressed?**

**Alec: Drained?**

**Reed: Dumb?**

**Devon: Disliked?**

**Chirs: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people …**

**Chirs: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need!**

**Reed: To the _city_?**

**Chirs: Yeah, no matter what!**

**Devon: Well- How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?**

**Chirs: I... I don't know!**

**Sarah: Oh come off it, be serious!**

**Chirs: I _am_ serious!**

**Sarah: You're _insane_!**

**Alec: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved!**

**Everyone:**

**Chirs: What???**

**Alec: Or maybe it was a basset hound!**

**Sarah, panicked: YOU'RE _ALL_ INSANE!**

**Chirs: What did you guys get in your yearbook?**

**Sarah: 'Prettiest Smile'**

**Reed: 'Nicest Personality'**

**Alec: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'**

**Devon: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'**

**Robert: Can I be frank with you guys?**

**Bob: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.**

**Delilah: Can I still be Delilah?**

**Stanley: Shh, let Frank speak.**

**Bob, about Robert: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.**

**Delilah: Are we stealing them?**

**Stanley: New or used?**

**Bob: Wonderful responses, both of you.**

**Robert: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?**

**Bob: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.**

**Delilah: I personally was created in a lab.**

**Stanley: I just straight up spawned lol.**

**Robert: Tonight, one of you will betray us.**

**Bob: Is it me, Robert?**

**Robert: No, it’s not you.**

**Delilah: Is it me, Robert?**

**Robert: It’s not you either.**

**Stanley: Is it me, Robert?**

**Robert:**

**Robert, mockingly: Is IT mE Robert?**

**Robert: You know those things will kill you, right?**

**Bob, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.**

**Delilah, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.**

**Stanley: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough***

**Robert: Why is Bob so sad?**

**Delilah: They took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes**

**Robert: And...?**

**Bob: They got Stanley.**

**Robert: I think Stanley was right.**

**Bob: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'**

**Delilah: They wouldn't do that.**

**Stanley: You're right, Delilah. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.**

**Stanley: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Stanley Told You So' on the back***

**Robert: Why are your tongues purple?**

**Delilah: We had slushies. I had a blue one.**

**Stanley: I had a red one.**

**Robert: oh**

**Robert:**

**Robert: OH**

**Bob:**

**Bob: You drank each other's slushies?**

**Robert: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.**

**Bob: ... Your what?**

**Robert: My friends.**

**Delilah: Are they saying “friends”?**

**Stanley: I think they're being sarcastic.**

**Matt: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Robert! All of your friends are in this room.**

**Robert: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete task**

**Chirs: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut...**

**Reed: You would eat yourself?**

**Chirs: I wouldn’t even question it.**

**Chirs: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!**

**Reed: Mind your language!**

**Chirs: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???**

**Reed:**

**Chirs: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.**

**Chirs: So that’s my plan.**

**Reed: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.**

**Chirs: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.**

**Reed: It fucking sucks.**

**Chirs: That’s not constructive criticism.**

**Chirs: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.**

**Reed: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.**

**Chirs, tending to Reed's wounds: How would you rate your pain?**

**Reed: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.**

**Chirs: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!**

**Reed: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!**

**Chirs, talking to Reed on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?**

**Reed: You bet!**

**Chirs: At what temperature?**

**Reed: 535.**

**Chirs: That's the clock.**

**Reed:**

**Chirs:**

**Reed: 536.**

**Chirs: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail**

**Reed: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t’ve used my one phone call to prank call the police**

**Chirs: You love me, right, Reed?**

**Reed: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.**

**Reed: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.**

**Chris, not looking up from their book: Spear.**

**Reed: BLOCKED.**

**Reed: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE**

**Chris: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially**

**Reed, desperately, as Chris bleeds out: _YOUR BLOOD TYPE_**

**Chris: Oh! B positive.**

**Reed: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE**

**Chris:**

**Reed: I prevented a murder today.**

**Chris: Really? How’d you do that?**

**Reed: self control.**

**Reed: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.**

**Chris: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up**


	5. Chapter 5

Pete: Oh no he cute

Pete: Don't panic Pete just act like your not interested 

Devon: Notice me

Toby: Boi what is that

Greg: Regret


End file.
